So I’m still in the honeymoon phase of my relationship, and I love it. A lot of times I find myself asking how my boyfriend, and I are so compatible, and I am reminded that we share a lot of the same views on things. This happened, because both of us asked the right questions EARLY.
I had friends who I would share details with, ask why I would bring up certain topics so early, and my response was simple: “Because I need to know”. After a few failed relationships, and some terrible situationships, I knew what I was not about to stand for. So here it goes. Top 5 questions you should a potential partner.
1) Do you see yourself getting married?
For whatever reason, people are afraid to ask this question. I believe it may have to do with the fact that some people don’t want to come off as clingy, or like they are rushing things, but it’s not. It’s called not wasting your time. If you know you want to get married, and the person says that they don’t see it happening, why continue investing time in the person? What people have to realize, is that you cannot change someone. People change because they want to. Not because of someone else. They may have been influenced by someone else, but ultimately, they did it for themselves.
2) Do you want children?
This is another big one. Just because someone says they want kids on the first few dates, doesn’t mean they are going to try to trap you. It’s a question that may be a deal breaker for some. For these questions, feel free to ask why. Getting to know someone is all a part of the dating process, and you can dig a little deeper. Some people may already have a child, and don’t want any. Other’s may not be able to physically have them. This is something important to know, early. Not after you already like them. Google the Jeannie Mai, and Freddy situation…..
3) Religious Beliefs, or lack thereof
This is something that cannot be assumed. You have to ask directly. You may practice a certain religion that requires you, and significant other to believe the same things. Don’t assume that your partner wants to sign up for that. Ask. You may surprised to find that they are open to learning about your beliefs, and join you in your spiritual journey. There are those who have their beliefs, but aren’t as active. That may or may not cause hiccups later. Then you have those that don’t believe in a higher being at all. This may or may not be okay with you. You can choose to deal with it or not, but you have to know where you guys stand, before making a decision to continue or not.
People don’t like to ask about finances, because they feel like they don’t want to invade the other person’s privacy, but it is important to know. If you have a 700+ credit score, and the other person is a lot lower than yours, he or she, may be financially irresponsible. Do you want to deal with that? If you are looking to buy a house, or make major financial commitments down the road, all of that will need to be addressed. I once dated a guy who got drunk one night and spend $500 in the bar. Money, which he did not have. Red flag! You can choose to educate the person on finances, or suggest they talk to a private banker, on ways to be more responsible if you decided you want to work through it.
5) Past Relationships
I’ve found that a lot of information can be gained, by asking about past relationships. Do they blame their ex for everything? Do they still communicate? How much time has passed since they broke up? This will give a better understanding of the person. One of my personal faves is: Are you emotionally available? Followed by: Are you in a space now where you feel that you could have a healthy relationship?
Major question that people don’t ask anymore: DO YOU EVEN WANT A RELATIONSHIP? You HAVE to ask. Don’t assume that because someone is dating, that they want one.